SECOND GUESSING

Back in college, I lost two really good friends on account of the same boy. One because I somehow managed to ruin all chances of her ever dating said boy. The other, after my heart-wrenching breakup from said boy, because she returned the favor. I guess maybe, just maybe, I lost them both because of me.*

Truth be told, I would take those two friends over that silly boy any day of the week. But as Anne and Dave—two friends that are masters of mixed metaphors—would say: hindsight is 50/50.

I always knew.

Not surprisingly, friends are on my mind a lot lately. But today, in a whole new way. You see, today, I found out that someone I don't really like very much is friends with someone I like a lot. Hmph.

Upon learning this disconcerting fact, I couldn't help but be reminded of my famous Whitney and Bobby theory: While everyone was wondering why Whitney stayed with that abusive, philandering, drug addict, I believed that apple couldn't be too far from the tree. Not far at all. (Yes, I just sourced TMZ. Booya!)

Years ago, I would have been overcome by self-doubt, thinking that I must be missing something huge about the one friend if she like the person I didn't. The older—and only slightly more mature—me, is overcome by a different kind of self-doubt, thinking: the fact that the friend I like likes someone I kind of don't, must mean I'm missing something wonderful about them, right? Could be. I've definitely been wrong before (except about the other Browns, when I was totally right).

Here's the thing about me: I don't really like sharing friends. Especially with people I don't approve of. There, I said it. On the topic of friends, I'm brattier and more possessive than my two year old who runs around all day yelling mine, Mine, MINE!

So now I'm overcome with a new thought: Is 35 too old to learn how to share?

*As luck would have it, I reconnected with one of the friends from college a couple of years ago, and just recently (if you count Facebook) with the other. I feel pretty lucky about both.